Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother (Remainder of Book)

I just finished Amy Chua's "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" and have come away from the book with a few general reflections.

First, I respect and admire Amy for her resilience and selflessness as a mother. Some would argue that her aggressive and demanding parenting style is not in fact selfless (Chua even acknowledges this viewpoint in her book), but I see it as such. Much like my own mother (who, like Chua, is not American), Amy forfeited some independence and personal "fun" for the benefit of her daughters' proper (in her opinion) upbringing. I admire that. But what I admire even more is that Chua managed to do all of this while remaining productive in her career, running her household, taking care of two dogs, and planning frequent vacations and special events for her family. I am exhausted just thinking about all that she did, which leads me to my next point:

I can understand how a lot of parents would be reluctant to do what she did. Chua even admits that it wasn't fun for her to supervise piano and violin practices for several hours every day; obviously there were other things the woman could do. Every day she chose to be there for her children rather than to succumb to her personal desires. She chose to (on innumerable occasions) feel hated and resented by her daughters rather than to relent in the interest of feeling loved by them. I think it takes a very secure, self-assured person to do what she did; and certainly one with a solid long-term perspective.

Like any parent, Chua wanted to set her daughters up for future success. She had a coherent strategy for achieving this (which is probably more than most can say) and she had the determination and resilience to execute the strategy against all opposition (which is, again, probably more than most can say). She made mistakes along the way, but she was thoughtful enough to promptly realize those mistakes and re-evaluate her strategy, which leads me to my last point:

Whether or not she would agree with me, I believe that Chua achieved success* with both of her daughters using the "Chinese" parenting style. Here's why:

***SPOILER ALERT***

Although Lulu ultimately gave up the violin against her mother's wishes, she learned and internalized the qualities for success that her mother instilled in her during the violin years: ambition, determination, passion, perseverance, and lots of practice. Toward the end of the book, after she takes up tennis, it becomes clear that Lulu is applying these skills to challenge herself to become a great tennis player. Lulu demonstrates that she is driven to succeed, just not in the activity that her mother had desired for her. The desire to be better (and to eventually be the best) and the knowledge of how to  achieve her goals are qualities that will get Lulu far. I don't believe it's a question of "Western" vs "Chinese" but I do think that it was because of Chua's high expectations of her daughters that they learned to expect so much of themselves.

On the whole, Chua's book was entertaining and inspiring** to read. I enjoyed reading it for its unique perspective, especially because Chua seems to be an intelligent and thoughtful person and proved capable of offering strong arguments in support of her claims***. Her actions are quite radical when evaluated against those typical in "Western" culture, but they are reasonable and never incongruent with her long-term goals****.

* I suspect Chua would disagree because of her inability to control Lulu and Lulu's public defiance, which as she says is uncharacteristic of a well-raised "Chinese" daughter.

** Inspiring not in the sense that it has convinced me to raise my daughter the "Chinese" way, but in the sense that it's gotten me to think about what kind of mother I want to be and how much I want to invest in my children's future success but also in their happiness, in my happiness, etc.

*** Yes, I believe her arguments were strong.

**** At least, this is the depiction I get from the book. I understand the author in writing the book may have provided a biased account for some of the stories.