John Medina is a developmental molecular biologist at the University of Washington School of Medicine. He studies human brain development and occasionally presents lectures on baby brain development. He recently wrote a book titled "Brain Rules for Baby" to answer the common questions and concerns routinely posed to him by parents and guardians during these lectures.
Because Medina's goal is to satisfy his audiences, he delivers simple, easily executable prescriptions for parents to follow. He doesn't attempt to build the reader's specific understanding of brain development so, as the reader, you have to trust his prescriptions without understanding exactly from where the prescriptions stem. This was disappointing for me for the following reason: I wanted to learn from an expert of brain development about the impacts of differing parenting styles and strategies on an infant's brain development and future functioning (disposition, personality, thrill seeking, etc) so that I could gain some understanding on the subject and personally make an informed decision of how to parent my child for my desired results (as my desired results may - and probably do - differ from the general public's).
.
Despite the fact that, at approach, my expectations were misaligned with Medina's intent, I enjoyed reading "Brain Rules for Baby." I think the book is well organized, digestible, and adequately detailed, without seeming long-winded (on any more than a select few occasions).
The biggest prescriptions in the book:
1. A happy marriage makes a happy baby (hostility harms the development of brain and nervous system)
2. A safe environment enables learning (baby can't learn if it fears its surroundings)
3. Pay attention to and respond to your baby's emotions (when you respond, baby feels safe; the display of and encouragement of empathy is integral for your child's future ability to form good friendships)
4. Talk to your baby a lot (when you talk, you are increasing your baby's vocabulary; communication is one of the key ingredients of intelligence, along with the desire to explore and creativity)
Some more specific notables:
5. Breastfeeding is a brain booster for your baby
6. Fit women have to push less in delivery! (work out during pregnancy, but don't overheat the baby)
I like that Medina's advice is baby-centered; he appears to make his prescriptions out of consideration for the baby's healthy brain development rather than as a method to satisfy a parental desire to make the baby "x, y, and z." He explains that baby needs must be met first and foremost and provides the reader with plenty of reasons to want to do this (the strongest being: if you don't do this, then trying to do your "x,y, and z" won't work). I would recommend "Brain Rules for Baby" to anyone looking for some light reading on the fundamentals of pregnancy and early parenting.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Belly Laughs
If you're looking for an entertaining quick read about pregnancy, "Belly Laughs" by Jenny McCarthy is a decent selection.
In "Belly Laughs," the famed Jenny McCarthy shares the embarrassing aspects of pregnancy that most women would prefer to suffer privately. Jenny's account of her first pregnancy is quite amusing, albeit it may lead you to perceive those 9 months as more extreme than they can be (and are from my experience). For example: Jenny gained nearly 40 pounds before the end of her 2nd trimester (nearly 60 overall); I'm in my 6th month and have gained only 2 pounds. I was concerned about the lack of weight gain at first; but, when asked, my OB said this is normal for first pregnancies, especially if the woman keeps to a healthy diet and remains active, with moderate exercise at least a few times a week (all things that I have been doing religiously). Research suggests that an expectant mom who exercises moderately several times per week during pregnancy is less likely to have a child that later struggles with obesity. Jenny's weight gain was not only not an essential part of pregnancy but it also was unhealthy for both her and the baby (she states all she wanted to eat was junk food).
Jenny also seemed to think that it's normal for expectant women to develop split personality during pregnancy, with a "Psycho Bitch" version of themselves looming in the darkness waiting to be provoked in the mildest manner by their husbands and then coming out to throw things and verbally abuse him. My husband has not suffered any of this; some might say he is lucky. I have experienced some extra sensitivity on occasion, with my emotionality tending toward tears over screaming. This likely speaks to the disposition and personality differences between me and Jenny. Pregnant women are hormonal, yes; but it isn't a given that the elevated hormone levels should translate into violence and verbal abuse.
Those are just a few of the notable differences between my pregnancy and Jenny's, based on her narrative in "Belly Laughs". The extreme (possibly slightly exaggerated) account of her pregnancy adds to the comic quality of the book and makes for a more entertaining read. I would recommend the book to any pregnant woman who wants to feel better about her pregnancy experience (Jenny has just about everything a woman could have and she usually has it full blown). Just remember, this is one privileged woman's account of her pregnancy; it's okay if you don't relate with or agree with every aspect of her pregnancy or action during it. In fact, it's probably in your best interest to try not to emulate her in any way.
In "Belly Laughs," the famed Jenny McCarthy shares the embarrassing aspects of pregnancy that most women would prefer to suffer privately. Jenny's account of her first pregnancy is quite amusing, albeit it may lead you to perceive those 9 months as more extreme than they can be (and are from my experience). For example: Jenny gained nearly 40 pounds before the end of her 2nd trimester (nearly 60 overall); I'm in my 6th month and have gained only 2 pounds. I was concerned about the lack of weight gain at first; but, when asked, my OB said this is normal for first pregnancies, especially if the woman keeps to a healthy diet and remains active, with moderate exercise at least a few times a week (all things that I have been doing religiously). Research suggests that an expectant mom who exercises moderately several times per week during pregnancy is less likely to have a child that later struggles with obesity. Jenny's weight gain was not only not an essential part of pregnancy but it also was unhealthy for both her and the baby (she states all she wanted to eat was junk food).
Jenny also seemed to think that it's normal for expectant women to develop split personality during pregnancy, with a "Psycho Bitch" version of themselves looming in the darkness waiting to be provoked in the mildest manner by their husbands and then coming out to throw things and verbally abuse him. My husband has not suffered any of this; some might say he is lucky. I have experienced some extra sensitivity on occasion, with my emotionality tending toward tears over screaming. This likely speaks to the disposition and personality differences between me and Jenny. Pregnant women are hormonal, yes; but it isn't a given that the elevated hormone levels should translate into violence and verbal abuse.
Those are just a few of the notable differences between my pregnancy and Jenny's, based on her narrative in "Belly Laughs". The extreme (possibly slightly exaggerated) account of her pregnancy adds to the comic quality of the book and makes for a more entertaining read. I would recommend the book to any pregnant woman who wants to feel better about her pregnancy experience (Jenny has just about everything a woman could have and she usually has it full blown). Just remember, this is one privileged woman's account of her pregnancy; it's okay if you don't relate with or agree with every aspect of her pregnancy or action during it. In fact, it's probably in your best interest to try not to emulate her in any way.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Great Kids
The books and articles I like to read are those where it is obvious that the author started from a collection of impressive research findings and built on those to gather more material and to be able to develop a general theory explaining the facts. I like these types of books because they offer the most evidentiary support for claims made and, for that reason, they seem to me to be the most convincing and interesting.
Stanley Greenspan's "Great Kids" is very much not this type of book. For starters, the book claims to offer the 10 essential qualities to nurture in a kid for "greatness," but these qualities were proposed and agreed upon by medical and business professionals prompted to think of the qualities possessed by the "great" people that they know. Borderline scientific at best: this method assumes that the qualities people like to see are the qualities which make kids happy and successful. It further implies that we should bring up our kids to possess the qualities that people like to see, even if those aren't necessarily the qualities from which our kids would benefit the most. I personally think our primary focus should be on the latter.
Once the top 10 qualities were selected, it seems that Dr. Greenspan spent the next several months freely associating on the experiences, in which these qualities may be demonstrated and nurtured, threading countless anecdotes with jumbled narrative to achieve the unfortunate more-is-less effect. Granted, Dr. Greenspan is kind of a big deal in the field of child psychoanalysis, so one can presume that a lot of the claims made in the book are derived from research and clinical work discoveries. Unfortunately, the delivery of these ideas conveys no indication of this.
I forced myself to make it through 4 complete chapters (of 10 total) in order to be able to, with some authority, say that you can get the full scope of what he's saying simply by reading each chapter title and then each chapter's last two sections titled "Encouraging" X and "Helping" X or "Steps to" X, where X is the quality discussed in the chapter. I did that for the remainder of the chapters and was a lot less bored with the book (and frankly, wasted a lot less time on it).
I would not recommend this book; there is very little to learn here, mostly because of method in which it is presented.
Stanley Greenspan's "Great Kids" is very much not this type of book. For starters, the book claims to offer the 10 essential qualities to nurture in a kid for "greatness," but these qualities were proposed and agreed upon by medical and business professionals prompted to think of the qualities possessed by the "great" people that they know. Borderline scientific at best: this method assumes that the qualities people like to see are the qualities which make kids happy and successful. It further implies that we should bring up our kids to possess the qualities that people like to see, even if those aren't necessarily the qualities from which our kids would benefit the most. I personally think our primary focus should be on the latter.
Once the top 10 qualities were selected, it seems that Dr. Greenspan spent the next several months freely associating on the experiences, in which these qualities may be demonstrated and nurtured, threading countless anecdotes with jumbled narrative to achieve the unfortunate more-is-less effect. Granted, Dr. Greenspan is kind of a big deal in the field of child psychoanalysis, so one can presume that a lot of the claims made in the book are derived from research and clinical work discoveries. Unfortunately, the delivery of these ideas conveys no indication of this.
I forced myself to make it through 4 complete chapters (of 10 total) in order to be able to, with some authority, say that you can get the full scope of what he's saying simply by reading each chapter title and then each chapter's last two sections titled "Encouraging" X and "Helping" X or "Steps to" X, where X is the quality discussed in the chapter. I did that for the remainder of the chapters and was a lot less bored with the book (and frankly, wasted a lot less time on it).
I would not recommend this book; there is very little to learn here, mostly because of method in which it is presented.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Nurture Shock
Perusing the baby section in a local bookstore, I noticed one relatively new release on the shelf with a catchy title: "Nurture Shock" by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman. I read a chapter in the store to evaluate the caliber of the book and was immediately impressed by the authors' clear and concise writing as well as the quality of their descriptions and interpretations of the relevant research.
Each chapter of this book corresponds to a different parenting experience, paradigm, or question. The aim of the authors is to reveal the cases, in which parents' intuitions or the popular beliefs on the subject are not supported, but actually negated, in research.
I read the chapters applicable to children from newborns to preschoolers, as that is my present interest. The structure of the book allows the reader to read each chapter as a stand-alone topic paper, which is nice.
Here are some nuggets of wisdom from the research reviewed and cited by Bronson and Merryman:
1. Praise effort, not intelligence.
A child that is told he or she is intelligent will seek confirmation for this. This has two note-worthy implications: a) the child will tend to shy away from challenges from fear of failure and b) the child will be more likely to cheat from fear of failure. On the flip side, praising effort helps the child rebound from failure and teaches him or her to exert effort for good performance.
2. Don't sacrifice your child's sleep for activities (or anything else). Avoid the weekend shift.
Sleep deprivation in children correlates to lower IQ, lower emotional well being, higher levels of obesity, etc. Also, sleep deprivation messes with your child's memory formation in a sick way: positive experiences tend to be forgotten while negative experiences continue to be easily recalled.
Your child may not be sleep deprived, but you might shift the child's sleeping schedule with your own on weekends. Research shows that this also is not good for your child's brain development: every hour of weekend shift correlates to a drop in 7 points on IQ tests. So, it is in your child's best interest to maintain consistency in waking and bedtime hours across all days of the week.
3. Preserve marital harmony. When your child witnesses a conflict, resolve it in front of him or her.
Children tend to be more aggressive when they witness or detect marital conflict. For their benefit, resolve conflicts, of which they are aware, in their presence. This will do two things: it will a) temper their heightened aggression from the conflict and b) teach them how emotionally mature people who love each other make peace after a disagreement.
4. Socialize your child. Don't be content with other kids doing it.
Being around adults is good for children. A child that spends most of his or her time with peers tends to be more aggressive in order to obtain social standing in the group. Keep a child grounded by socializing him or her with different age groups, and especially with adults. By spending time with your kids, you will be able to exert influence over their learned behaviors, rather than letting their peers socialize them for better or (more likely) for worse.
There are a lot more insights and some very powerful research findings in the book. I highly recommend it.
Each chapter of this book corresponds to a different parenting experience, paradigm, or question. The aim of the authors is to reveal the cases, in which parents' intuitions or the popular beliefs on the subject are not supported, but actually negated, in research.
I read the chapters applicable to children from newborns to preschoolers, as that is my present interest. The structure of the book allows the reader to read each chapter as a stand-alone topic paper, which is nice.
Here are some nuggets of wisdom from the research reviewed and cited by Bronson and Merryman:
1. Praise effort, not intelligence.
A child that is told he or she is intelligent will seek confirmation for this. This has two note-worthy implications: a) the child will tend to shy away from challenges from fear of failure and b) the child will be more likely to cheat from fear of failure. On the flip side, praising effort helps the child rebound from failure and teaches him or her to exert effort for good performance.
2. Don't sacrifice your child's sleep for activities (or anything else). Avoid the weekend shift.
Sleep deprivation in children correlates to lower IQ, lower emotional well being, higher levels of obesity, etc. Also, sleep deprivation messes with your child's memory formation in a sick way: positive experiences tend to be forgotten while negative experiences continue to be easily recalled.
Your child may not be sleep deprived, but you might shift the child's sleeping schedule with your own on weekends. Research shows that this also is not good for your child's brain development: every hour of weekend shift correlates to a drop in 7 points on IQ tests. So, it is in your child's best interest to maintain consistency in waking and bedtime hours across all days of the week.
3. Preserve marital harmony. When your child witnesses a conflict, resolve it in front of him or her.
Children tend to be more aggressive when they witness or detect marital conflict. For their benefit, resolve conflicts, of which they are aware, in their presence. This will do two things: it will a) temper their heightened aggression from the conflict and b) teach them how emotionally mature people who love each other make peace after a disagreement.
4. Socialize your child. Don't be content with other kids doing it.
Being around adults is good for children. A child that spends most of his or her time with peers tends to be more aggressive in order to obtain social standing in the group. Keep a child grounded by socializing him or her with different age groups, and especially with adults. By spending time with your kids, you will be able to exert influence over their learned behaviors, rather than letting their peers socialize them for better or (more likely) for worse.
There are a lot more insights and some very powerful research findings in the book. I highly recommend it.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
And Baby Makes Three
Intuition would tell us that the birth of a child brings husband and wife closer together. It appears to me self-evident that this is true in the delivery room as the parents share in the joy of the momentous occasion. Witnessing their baby's birth is perhaps the most precious experience for a husband and wife; but evidently caring for the baby afterward is stressful on the couple. If unchecked, sadly, that stress has the power to dissolve the marriage (and it often does).
Recent research suggests that a majority of marital relationships suffer a significant decline in intimacy and satisfaction after bringing baby home. Acclaimed psychology researcher John Gottman and his wife, clinical psychologist Julie Schwartz Gottman, wrote "And Baby Makes Three" to instruct and equip new parents with the knowledge and tools to prevent - or turn back - the decline of their marriage after the firstborn. By design, the book is accessible and eye-opening; definitely a must-read. But most importantly to me, it is based on solid research: "And Baby Makes Three" is based on years upon years of experimental research, clinical observation, and meticulous analysis.
To provide guidance to new parents, John and Julie draw on lessons and examples from couples who have successfully transitioned into parenthood (that is, couples who managed to preserve their intimacy and high marital satisfaction after bringing baby home). What made these couples successful? For a complete account (as well as exercises on how to prepare your relationship for the transition), read the book.
Here's what I found note-worthy (but a very limited and imperfect account at best):
1. When you select a partner, you select the unresolvable problems of the relationship you will have (as these unresolvable problems are determined by the deep rooted convictions that your partner brings to the table, which contradict your own). Any different partner would come with a different set of unresolvable problems. Assuming you made the right partner decision, accept the unresolvable problems and be willing to communicate about and compromise on those problems for the duration of the relationship. It is important to understand that the unresolvable problems never go away, but you can build understanding around them.
2. Be willing to listen and understand what drives your partner's speech or behavior.
3. Resist the temptation to snap back to a negative remark or action. Cool down your conflicts.
4. Find ways to self-soothe when you're flooding (when your blood is rushing in your veins and you have a strong urge to offend, belittle, yell, abuse, criticize, fight back, etc) during a conflict. Communicate to your partner that you are taking this time so that your action is not viewed as a silent treatment, which will exacerbate the conflict.
As you can see, the prescriptions found in the book also apply more generally to how to behave in a loving relationship. This may lead one to believe that the couples whose relationship suffers after the firstborn are those who were not at this optimal level of interaction in the first place. In this case, the relationship advice John and Julie are providing would have been helpful to these couples before the baby. After the baby, learning these habits of interaction is not only helpful to the couple but necessary for the family's survival.
The reason why it becomes so vital to have good habits of interaction after the baby arrives is because the newborn causes the new parents sleep deprivation and also demands almost constant attention from them. This creates problems such as mood imbalance (irritability, impatience, etc) and neglect for the marital relationship respectively. This has the potential to breed a lot of negative interactions between the parents, especially if they forget how to be loving toward one another.
I am grateful to the Gottmans and the research community for heightening my awareness of the challenges posed to new parents so I can be better prepared to meet them. I hope that this post has made you more aware as well.
If you want to learn more, consider taking one of Gottmans' Bringing Baby Home workshops in your area.
Recent research suggests that a majority of marital relationships suffer a significant decline in intimacy and satisfaction after bringing baby home. Acclaimed psychology researcher John Gottman and his wife, clinical psychologist Julie Schwartz Gottman, wrote "And Baby Makes Three" to instruct and equip new parents with the knowledge and tools to prevent - or turn back - the decline of their marriage after the firstborn. By design, the book is accessible and eye-opening; definitely a must-read. But most importantly to me, it is based on solid research: "And Baby Makes Three" is based on years upon years of experimental research, clinical observation, and meticulous analysis.
To provide guidance to new parents, John and Julie draw on lessons and examples from couples who have successfully transitioned into parenthood (that is, couples who managed to preserve their intimacy and high marital satisfaction after bringing baby home). What made these couples successful? For a complete account (as well as exercises on how to prepare your relationship for the transition), read the book.
Here's what I found note-worthy (but a very limited and imperfect account at best):
1. When you select a partner, you select the unresolvable problems of the relationship you will have (as these unresolvable problems are determined by the deep rooted convictions that your partner brings to the table, which contradict your own). Any different partner would come with a different set of unresolvable problems. Assuming you made the right partner decision, accept the unresolvable problems and be willing to communicate about and compromise on those problems for the duration of the relationship. It is important to understand that the unresolvable problems never go away, but you can build understanding around them.
2. Be willing to listen and understand what drives your partner's speech or behavior.
3. Resist the temptation to snap back to a negative remark or action. Cool down your conflicts.
4. Find ways to self-soothe when you're flooding (when your blood is rushing in your veins and you have a strong urge to offend, belittle, yell, abuse, criticize, fight back, etc) during a conflict. Communicate to your partner that you are taking this time so that your action is not viewed as a silent treatment, which will exacerbate the conflict.
As you can see, the prescriptions found in the book also apply more generally to how to behave in a loving relationship. This may lead one to believe that the couples whose relationship suffers after the firstborn are those who were not at this optimal level of interaction in the first place. In this case, the relationship advice John and Julie are providing would have been helpful to these couples before the baby. After the baby, learning these habits of interaction is not only helpful to the couple but necessary for the family's survival.
The reason why it becomes so vital to have good habits of interaction after the baby arrives is because the newborn causes the new parents sleep deprivation and also demands almost constant attention from them. This creates problems such as mood imbalance (irritability, impatience, etc) and neglect for the marital relationship respectively. This has the potential to breed a lot of negative interactions between the parents, especially if they forget how to be loving toward one another.
I am grateful to the Gottmans and the research community for heightening my awareness of the challenges posed to new parents so I can be better prepared to meet them. I hope that this post has made you more aware as well.
If you want to learn more, consider taking one of Gottmans' Bringing Baby Home workshops in your area.
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